When we feel overwhelmed, we need to understand that overwhelmed is a feeling, and feelings can be changed by changing our paradigms.

“I’m just overwhelmed!”
“All I do is work!”
“Something’s gotta give!”

Any of that sound familiar? You’re not alone.

I. The first and most important point is that “overwhelmed” is not a situation. It is not just how things are. No. It’s a feeling. You are feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps for good reason–but it’s still a feeling, not an objective reality. And feelings can be changed–if you want to change them. Why “if”? Because often people like to feel overwhelmed. No, overwhelmed is not a nice feeling, but being overwhelmed often gives people a sense of importance, a work ethic, an identify. And that they like. I know people, and you do too, who would find a way to be frazzled if living in luxury on a Pacific island. Overwhelmed is a feeling, and if you want, feelings can be changed.

II. Next come three areas commonly ignored, three areas to stop and examine.

1) Stop trying to do everything yourself.

Ego, pride, embarrassment, and probably a few other emotions commonly stand in the way of this simple and frankly obvious point. You are not, whatever you try to tell yourself, the only one who can do what you’re trying to do. Stop going it alone. Whether lending a hand, or offering advice, or even just encouragement or camaraderie, an ear to listen…let other people help you. In fact, ask them to help you. And if you just don’t want to, face up to the reality that you’ve not overwhelmed, but stubborn. Forget the lone wolf argument–people are social creatures, and interaction with each other is how we are wired. Even people like me and you, who like our quiet alone time. Let others help you–they will be delighted.

2) Stop trying to control everything.

Or put another way, instead of asking yourself “What should I do about this?” ask yourself “Why do I have to do anything?” The Universe will continue without your aid. People will still breathe in and out. The sun will still rise and set. You are not the Boss of Everything. Let it go. Life will become so much easier, and run so much more smoothly, when you simply allow it to do so. Life existed before your arrival, and will continue when you’re gone.

I love the beginning of Ken Blanchard and Spenser Johnson’s “The One Minute Manager”: Typically, a manager is seen as someone torn in multiple directions, finger on every pulse, but a good manager is standing around the office with little to do–because everything is running smoothly without the manager’s immediate input. We tend to think of “making” things happen, by force. Instead, allow things to happen.

3) Stop taking on too much.

This ain’t rocket science. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you have too much to do, you’re taking on too many things. Duh. Stop it.

Sure, I get that there’s a lot to do, and that a lot of it is important. But it makes no sense to daily plan what can’t possibly happen and then beat yourself up for not accomplishing what had no chance of getting down from the start.

If you’re doing too many things, do fewer things. Prioritize. If that means less than you want to do, fine. But decide which to do and do it, and feel glad of a good day’s work.

Remember–overwhelmed is a feeling; you at least will stop feeling overwhelmed.

III. And finally, there’s a difference between time management and getting unstuck from what we’re managing.

First, time management. Lots of help available here. Probably at the top of the list is Stephen Covey’s approach, laid out in his book First Things First. This, however, is far more than allocating the 168 hours of each week into the various pieces that make up your time life.

Covey suggests turning first not to the clock, but to the compass, that is, not to juggling minutes, but considering principles. Where do you want to go? What are your objectives? What is important to you in this life? Those are your organizing principles. Thus, your “big rocks” get placed first, then medium rocks, then smaller rocks, then pebbles, then sand. But don’t let a sandstorm keep you from getting to the big rocks. The important things–like relationships, or your children, or someone who needs help–take precedence.

OK, that’s an important start–but you’re still left with only so many hours in the day.

You need a paradigm shift.