Escape the Wilderness of Addictions

October 21, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

There was a time when walking into the wilderness would have been unthinkable without bringing an ample supply of beer. Well, things have changed. I’ve been dry for quite a while, leaving this addiction behind. But there are others, and we all have them—cigarettes, excessive caffeine, workoholism, hours of television or Internet surfing—all the unhealthy or unproductive pursuits that don’t add to our growth or regeneration. In fact, they get in the way of our growth, production, and happiness.

So here are a few thoughts about addiction.

1) Be of service

One friend tells the story of complaining about his life years ago to his uncle. “I’ve got just the thing,” replied his uncle. “I’ll come pick you up.” And when he did–he drove them straight to the Rescue Mission, where they served food to homeless people all day.

Need help? Want to solve your problems? Go help someone else. It works. Instead of continuing to revisit your own mind racing in circles, break the pattern in a positive direction.

2) Stop trying to do everything by yourself.

Learn to ask for help. I don’t care that you don’t need it. Ask anyway. It’s foolish to insist on handling everything alone, and you’re not as good at it as you think. It’s also more fun to do things with other people.

I know. You’re a loner. You’re not good with other people. And you’re the ten millionth person I’ve heard say that. Get over it. I too suffered from terminal uniqueness. Trust me—you’re going to like this better.

Let other people get to know you. You’re a wonderful person–but not as special and unique as you think. Stop setting yourself apart, and join with these people. You’ll learn to love it.

3) Replace old habits with new ones.

Right now–don’t think about orange juice! Oops, too late…that’s the problem with trying NOT to do something. Now, instead of orange juice, think of cranberry juice…much easier, yes? Do the same with habits.

If you usually have a cigarette with that first cup of coffee, plan ahead of time what you’re going to have with your coffee from now on (make it sustainable). If you usually have a drink after dinner, decide what you’re going to have after dinner instead. If you usually get a pint of ice cream when you’re having a rough day, figure out what you can have ready instead. And keep at it–it takes 21 days to change a habit, and in the case of psychological dependency, perhaps much longer. But it gets easier with time.

And time takes time.

But don’t try to just stop–change. If nothing changes…nothing changes.

4) Avoid people, places and things.

If that convenience store you stop at every day has a worn path to the scratch off tickets, shop somewhere else. If the supermarket aisles show the trail you’ve well-traveled to the beer displays, change stores. If the route you take home every day goes right by where you usually buy cigarettes, take a different route to and from work. Change.

If you’re trying to stop drinking, smoking, gambling, over-eating, or any other addiction, stop hanging out with the people who do those things. Don’t hang out where those things happen– “You don’t go to a whore house to hear the piano music,” as the saying goes. You are just flirting with trouble. Don’t.

And lose the things you associate with those addictions, whatever they are. Change.

It will get easier the further away you get.

5) The Rule of Three

I went through a lot of pain before I realized this. I call it the Rule of Three:

*I won’t feel this bad in three hours (usually two).
*Things won’t look this bad in three days.
*This situation will look very different in three weeks.
*Things will be completely different in three months.
*You can’t even imagine where you’ll be in three years.

Doubt it? Think back to how you were feeling three months ago, three weeks ago, three days ago, three hours ago. Emotions change quickly–we only treat them like the present one will last forever. It won’t. Ride it out, knowing all will be well shortly. And it will.

6) Have a daily spiritual program.

Make sure it’s daily, and inviolate. Let this be your touchstone each day, a way to focus and renew your energies in a positive and productive way. Daily readings are a popular way to do this, along with prayer and meditation, but whatever way works for you, whatever way is most meaningful to you day by day, is what you should organize your life around, day by day.

Ask for help. Whatever your spiritual beliefs, don’t try to go through life without aligning yourself with God/Universe/Nature/Tao/Higher Power/Creator/Great Spirit or whatever other term you prefer. Be part of the whole, and let that whole govern your part in it.

There is always a way out of the darkness — but it will mean making changes. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

At the end of the day, say “Thank you.” There is tremendous power–and solace–in gratitude. Use that power, daily.

7) One more thing….

Addiction comes from fear. Nothing logical about it–our addictions, whatever they are, serve purely emotional ends, and not in logical (i.e., not in healthy) ways. It’s a denial parading as a solution. But like all lies, it comes from fear. Truth needs no lie.

Imagine that first cigarette–eyes watering, mouth burning, the urgent cough, feeling nauseous…and then deciding to do it again. That’s not the rational mind at work. Or dropping dollar after dollar on the lottery, because, “Hey, you never know!” Yes you do. When the odds of winning are one in millions, and the odds of being struck by lightning are one in a million–hey, have you ever run in terror of lightning because “Hey, you never know”? Or did you ever wonder where all the money for that gorgeous casino come from? This isn’t hope–it’s desperation.

To counter fear, choose love. Why do we baulk at love? Why is happiness too great a price to pay? Nothing logical about that either. To counter darkness, turn on the light. Rationalizing the dark will never make it light. Love yourself. Love your fellow humans. Love your current situation, even if it seems there’s not that much to love. Love. Face your fears with love.

They will run.

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Bright Mountain Dream

October 20, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

Dreams are often just getting rid of accumulated mental junk. Then others are clearly important—sometimes something just isn’t right, or we are learning lessons. But especially interesting are the recurring dreams—and how easily we can forget we have them.

If you’d asked me yesterday if I ever dreamed about mountains, I’d probably have said no. Now that I think about it, I remember one I used to have, years ago, over and over. I would dream that I had climbed a mountain, impossibly high—50,000 feet or so (Mt. Everest is only 29,029 ft.)—and that while I had no problem hiking up, I was frozen with fear looking down (even though I’m not afraid of heights) and could only cling to the mountain, immobile, until I woke.

But today I woke and realized I have had another one more recently, over and over, though not for a while now. In this dream, a very nice dream, I return to a favorite climb (not an actual one) up an unnamed mountain. The trail head location is a composite of a line of houses in Ithaca (where I did my undergraduate work) along a hill (greatly exaggerated in the dream—an hour drive-!), and just out of town, there’s a meadow similar to one near where I live now, with similarities (in the dream) too to the Thendara parking area where I frequently access John Brown’s Tract in the Adirondacks.

I have hiked this dream mountain so often that I know the trail well, including with some favorite parts, like a steep part that climbs up tree roots and rock like a spiral staircase. Almost near the top, there’s a village with several stone buildings, including one large mall-like one, the main building, which always has several people milling about. If you climb to the roof, you can see farther up the mountain in the distance a row of monasteries, many of them, in Himalayan style. Thinking about this now, I don’t think I’ve ever climbed up to them. Then along the mountain’s ridge, there’s a scenic trail that goes on and on and on; I’ve hiked portions of this one.

Today, though, I realized a path that breaks off to the left near the beginning of the climb is actually a trail to another summit, “Bright Mountain” (another dream mountain). I saw a map of it—a cool 3D view from a flat “you are here” type information map, with two trails neatly laid out against the green of the mountain (yup—this dream was in color), one shorter going straight up a steeper path, the other meandering around the mountainside. The summit is open with clear views on all sides, higher than Mt. Marcy (New York’s tallest peak) for some technical dream-reason I don’t recall. But I would set out on this route for a beautiful hike.

That was my dream last night—I’m on my way up “Bright Mountain.” I’m thinking that can only mean good things. But I’m also reminded of just how much is buried inside our heads and psyches, and how helpful getting into the wilderness is for letting that clutter clear so we can peer inside.

Is that Bright Mountain in the distance? Perhaps I’ll get to see soon.

And I’m wondering why/how I always missed Bright Mountain before. But no matter. Everything in its proper time, I guess.

Finding jobs within jobs

October 19, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

One of the coolest things about wilderness hiking is the new ideas that shine through as the mental clutter settles. This was one of my favorite discoveries years ago.

If there “aren’t any jobs,” go networking—especially informational networking—to turn up the jobs in the “hidden” job market (which is the vast majority of jobs—a good 85%). If you are unemployed and looking for a job (remember that creating one is also an option, either as a new business or a short term project), this is the place to start. There ARE jobs. There are always jobs—because there are always needs, and businesses need people to fulfill those needs. In down markets, that may not be so apparent, as hiring can be cautious, but that’s still the case. You just need to look more closely. Remember to focus on what you actually want to be doing—that’s key.

This applies to people currently employed looking to change jobs as well. However, here you have an option in the middle, one rarely considered—creating a new job at your current place of employment. If you’re unhappy, for whatever reason—conditions, pay, coworkers—you may be able to change this without changing bosses. In a large company, you can ask for a transfer, of course, but here I’m talking about staying put but changing job titles—not a promotion, but a new job. I’ve done this three times, along with many more minor shifts within the same job.

The first, and most generic, was the book store management job. I was hired simply as another employee. I had just left a job I hated, and I took this lower paying job because I liked the New Age feel to the store and wanted to do a job I liked. Two months later, I was the Manager. How did I do that? I just started from the beginning doing the kind of work managers would do, on my own. The store didn’t have a manager, just two joint owners (husband and wife), and they noticed, increased my pay and responsibilities.

I often hear, especially from young workers, but some older ones too, “Why should I work harder or do extra things? When they pay me more, I’ll do that!” These people will never get those promotions. That’s not how it works. They are asking employers to first take a chance, putting their money and the leadership of their business in the hands of an unproven and undemonstrated promise. Not gonna happen. Nein, Nyet, Nope. Instead, first be doing the extra work and taking those extra responsibilities, because this demonstrates your worth and capability. It also demonstrates your quality of a take-charge get-it-done responsible person—and that’s the kind of person employers want running their shows.

But what if it doesn’t pay off? Forget about that. You should be always growing anyway. As management guru Tom Peters advises, take the annual resume test—remember from the last chapter that this resume should be showing your specific contributions, not simply job title and time served. Each year’s resume should show a substantial improvement over the previous year. If not—you haven’t been growing, and that’s why nothing new is happening for you. What have you tried? What have you learned from your mistakes? And if you haven’t made any mistakes, then you haven’t been trying very much of any substance. Only when those things are in place can your employer notice anything about you—because you haven’t done much otherwise. When you have, you can build on your successes.

Once the mental clutter clears, bridges from your current situation become apparent.

And if your boss doesn’t notice, or either can’t (because there’s no suitable opening) or doesn’t want to acknowledge your expanded worth, you have a basis for taking your bettered skills out into the marketplace for a better situation. Tom Peters recommends never asking for a raise. I’m not sure I’d go that far, but I get his point—either you’re getting fed where you are, or it’s time to go find a place that does. One caution, though—don’t get cocky. Don’t just quit and hit the street (all things being equal—there are always exceptions). Look first, give notice, start the new job. Or start the new business on the side and wait for it to grow. Over estimating your worth in the marketplace is common. Find out first, and don’t blame the market—adjust and build your skills.

The second took the “building on skills” approach. I was actually called and asked to teach a college music class, and after some hesitation, I did, and found I liked teaching. At the time, the college climate was very hot to implement multicultural and interdisciplinary approaches. I was flabbergasted; from my perspective as a performing artist, I couldn’t believe people didn’t already do this—how can you understand a piece out of context and connection? But, that was the case, and as you might imagine, they loved my course creations. And, once I’d designed, for example, a “Music and Literature” course, I now had experience as a Literature professor. My interdisciplinary/multicultural classes gave me powerful leverage from college to college to college, even letting me grow into teaching writing and literature as schools cut music and the arts to save a buck in slow economies.

This can be done almost anywhere. Learn more than you have to at your job. A friend of mine inspects housing construction for a large company overseeing compliance with state housing programs, and he makes a habit of getting certification after certification after certification. His boss encourages this, and it makes him one of the most valuable employees in his position; they reward him with flexibility and raises, even letting him work from home two days a week, calling by conference call into meetings as needed. Some companies wisely pursue cross-training of their employees, and it’s often not popular. Embrace it. Learn to do jobs you don’t have to do. It will keep building both your resume and your pool of available skilled positions for which you qualify.

The third was by an inner proposal. I had just returned from Vermont, where I had been working for an independent label distributor, and returned to New York and needed a job quickly. So I took a position for a branch of a major label distributor, where the choices were shipping or salesman. [Yes, I was overqualified. Hey. It was a job.] Now I did like getting piles of free demo records and free tickets to major acts’ concerts from the major labels’ reps. And I didn’t mind shipping, but I really didn’t fit in with my heavy metal listening colleagues. The salesmen, on the other hand, got company vans for their own use and a great deal of freedom, driving from store to store taking spot inventories and racking product—and made far more money. However…openings were few. I got tired of waiting.

I did notice several things about our operation that could and should be improved. Inventory control was haphazard, and back-up stock hard to find (physically in the warehouse). Invoices were in a big pile, one for each salesman, and when questions arose, someone would have to dig down through the pile looking for that invoice. Ordering was done largely by eyeing the racks and writing orders on a pad, working from memory. It was a mess.

I mentioned these issues and my solutions to my boss, who…sort of took it under advisement. I got tired of shipping and turned in my notice. I did my two weeks, working just as well as always (no sense burning bridges)—and at 4:00 on my last day, one hour left, my boss called me into his office for a talk. “We don’t want to lose you,” he said. “What would it cost us to keep you in an office job?” We discussed it, settled on nice raise, and I automated and implemented our new systems, as well as handling all the correspondence for our branch. Left with a lot of freedom, I continued to expand my job reach, even analyzing trends, something which once saved us a $2 million account (when sales dropped, I showed how we increased their inventory turns, resulting in higher sales per square foot).

The same is true of outer proposals. You don’t have to rely on what businesses are seeking to find employment. Go show them what they don’t realize they’re seeking. Yes, this takes a bigger sales job, but you also have (1) no competition and (2) they certainly know you’re a go-getter/take-charge person—you’re proving it in the moment.

I floated some that didn’t work. It happens. But when I left the book store, I was interviewed at three independent label distributors in three different states, all of whom were interested not because they knew what they wanted me to do, but because I knew their businesses and product well, and had first hand experience succeeding at their clients’ business. I got two offers, turned down the stingy one, and moved to the mountains of Vermont (which I wanted to do anyway), to do…well, we weren’t quite sure. But I was going to do it there—that was the point. In fact, I worked with them on their in-house marketing, until they went with an outside consultant. I was offered another position there, but decided to move on.

Bottom line here—you’re allowed to create, not simply wait. Look for solutions that use your skills, experience, and interests—and propose them.

Do you want to be the boss? Be sure you want to run the show.

October 18, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

Two key points I worked out the hard way in the early days of my wilderness wandering in my 20s are that (1) if there are no jobs, you can still earn a good living, and (2) it is easier to get work doing what you love than simply settling for whatever you can get.

Great! Then why doesn’t that happen so much more often?

Because that second part is tricky.

First, most people—yes, most—have no idea what they want to do. That makes things difficult, that is, impossible. You know what would be fantastic right now? See…you’re waiting to find out…you should be saying, “Yes I do!” and telling me enthusiastically what would be fantastic right now! Just a little humor, granted—but nonetheless true. We don’t know what we want. This is why Napoleon Hill’s point about a written definite major purpose is so important. William Oncken (author of Who’s Got the Monkey? and Managing Management Time) tells of asking his business consulting clients to write down the problem his company was there to solve in a sentence or two—because if they can’t write it down, they damn sure don’t know what it is…or what they want to happen instead.

Second, while talk of being proactive is common, the reality is we prefer to be reactive. We even aggrandize it, romancing the shoot from the hip fluid approach to events of the day, never seeing it for what it is—drifting rudderless. That’s fine if you aren’t really going anywhere. But if you’re trying to accomplish a goal, drifting isn’t likely to achieve that objective. Focusing on what you love is going to take prolonged proactive…well, focus! Reactive, though, is easier, and is generally manifested as complaining about conditions and exterior barriers as the reason for not achieving those dreams we can’t specifically name. Try a test. For 30 days, simply don’t complain. About anything. At all. The results—if you can get past the difficulty—will surprise and delight you. Most people—no cynicism here, just a statement of fact—will prefer to complain. It’s how we most commonly do things.

Finally, given those two points, proclivity to react and not knowing what they want, most people, despite talk to the contrary, don’t actually want to run their own enterprises. They might dabble in something part time for a while. But rarely do people step up and step out on their own. Getting a job is simply easier. And there’s nothing wrong with that per se. The caveat, though, is to be sure to recognize that this is what’s happening, that this is the preferred choice, and not to choose it while living life in resentment of the choice, the boss, the conditions, the customers, the company, and so forth. Choose, and choose fairly and completely. If the choice is to work for a boss, embrace that choice and be glad of it. And if you want to be the boss, be sure you want to run the show.

Feeling out there alone? You have options–depending on what you want. This scene is from my daily walk by Stoney Pond (misspelling not mine–that’s how it’s spelled here).

Almost everyone thinks, “Gee, if *I* were the owner/manager, things would really straighten up around here!” And, feeling fully capable, this is a frustrating thought. Why are some people kept down, when others thrive, rising to the top? Where’s the justice in the world?

See the victim thinking? The main problem here is—none of that is true.

All too often, managers become managers because they were employees who worked hard and were promoted as a reward for their hard work. This has two problems. First, the business just gained a completely untrained and inexperienced manager. And second, the business just lost its best worker.

Management has nothing to do with bossing people around (you may have noticed that doesn’t work well anyway). Management has everything to do with the ability to get results through other people. It’s a whole different game. The manager’s ability in terms of doing the desired tasks is irrelevant. Absolutely irrelevant. If you’re a manager, or would like to be, track down William Oncken’s Managing Management Time (it’s out of print—you might have to find it on the web), and find an old recording (I have a cassette version!) of The One Minute Manager meets the Monkey, containing an eye-opening live lecture by both Oncken (his Who’s Got the Monkey is the most requested business article reprint from the Harvard Business Review – you can find a .pdf online) and Ken Blanchard (author of The One Minute Manager) as a starting place. From there a wealth of information awaits—but recognize you are not a natural manager. No one is. As Blanchard points out, “How many people work for you in round numbers?” The answer is zero—people work for themselves, and good managers know this (and what to do about it). As famous economist Peter Drucker put it, “Labor is a resource, not a cost.” These employees are your only hope—learn to manage their talents.

Similarly, many people dream of owning their own business. After all, when you were manager, it was always that owner in the way, right? Or more positively, you’ve always wanted to open your own ____________ place, whether restaurant, shop, gallery, service etc. As we’ve discussed earlier, you can avoid being one of the 80% of businesses that fail in the first five years with some basic attention to market—simply opening your dream doors does not mean that because you built it, they will come—supplemented by reasonable financial planning grounded in realistic expectations, not wishful thinking (especially in terms of cash flow).

But here’s something else—of those business that survive, only 4% will still be around in ten years. And a lot of that isn’t even financial struggles—it’s creating unsustainable systems. What seemed like a good idea just doesn’t work well day after day after year after year. As Robert Frost observed, “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.” Many business owners would chuckle ruefully and point out they’d love to put in twelve hours and have a break from their sixteen hour days. They created plans that weren’t scalable, that is, that could work as business grew without growing the time input by the same amount (or even more). They are thus tied to their businesses.

And it’s really more the last part—all too many businesses are prisons created by their owner-inmates. Striving for success, people commonly overlook the balance of the rest of their lives. I don’t mean simply taking time to smell the roses. That won’t work—stuff needs to get done. What I mean is thinking through things like lifestyle, location, who you want to be working with, incorporating things that invigorate you as part of the business—living a life that’s you, now, rather than one you’re working toward “one day.” If you don’t, no matter how passionate you are to start, you’ll grow to hate and resent your own creation and prison warden.

I have made this mistake myself—repeatedly. I created the venture, it was off and running, it was well received—and I hated going to work. All of these ventures could have been saved; I just didn’t want to do it. I had focused on “Well, I could do this, or I could do that, and I could do this other thing” type thinking quite a bit, brainstorming some frankly nice enterprises—a musicians’ cooperative acting as if an independent label, a concert/event promoter, a business consultant, several music ensembles/bands, an independent performer/recording label, co-author, T’ai Chi teacher—all of which flourished for a bit, then died with the help of their creator. By focusing on could, I did things a lot of people only imagine doing. But by overlooking whether I should as a long term endeavor, I ignored several intangibles that were too important to ignore for long.

And the same is true for jobs, incidentally. You can’t work at your passion for school teaching, for example, and bemoan the lack of a top income. This just isn’t going to happen in that profession, no matter how exhaustive or amazing your talents and accomplishments. If you want both the income and the teaching, you will have to recognize that the rest of the income will have to come from elsewhere. And if you don’t have the time to invest, then it will have to be an automated enterprise.

But start by getting clear about who you are, what you want (from life, not just work), and how you prefer to pursue it. Stop blaming companies, managers, the economy, politicians, bad luck, family obligations, uncooperative people, or whatever else you invent as an excuse. Get clear about where you want to go and how. That’s the real stumbling block. Then create plans to get there.

Finding and Sharing your Gifts

October 17, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

One of the best qualities of a wilderness hike is beginning to find yourself. That’s also the beginnings of how to present those qualities in the marketplace.

So let’s start working on your marketing campaign. I’m going to address this as if you are job seeking, but the same applies to promotions. Later, we’ll talk about what to do when there don’t seem to be job openings.

I can’t even begin to tell you the times I sat across from an applicant trying to drag out information while the candidate sat there quietly merely responding in short sentences when pressed with questions, most of it vague (useless) abstractions and generalities, until I finally gave up and thanked them for coming. Next applicant.

Any good merchant needs to know what goods are in the shop. Any good salesperson needs to…well let’s start. Time to change our thinking again.

First, sure, the world is filled with poor sales people. The world is filled with poor musicians too, but you don’t let that become what music means to you—you listen to the many, many very good ones. Same here.

Sales does NOT mean hyper-pressure bullshitting. Sales does not mean manipulation. Sales does not mean playing games. Stop that already. Not many will be successful long with that ridiculous strategy.

Rather, sales is service. People have things they need done, and they look for people who can do the job. If I’m looking for a good bass player, I don’t care about his rap—I want to hear him play. If I’m looking for a good graphic designer, I want to see a portfolio of her work. If I’m looking for a good construction crew, I want to know what else they’ve built. I want to know these are the right people for these particular needs.

And that’s what good salespeople do. They identify needs and match their skills and service to the client’s need. If you’re an awesome heavy metal bassist, but I need someone for a jazz gig, you’re not the guy, despite your talent. And that’s OK. You’re not going to hire my jazz bassist to sub for you at a heavy metal gig either. It’s about matching needs to services. That’s what you’re going to do.

Far too many people post a resume online or mail out batches of resumes and sit at home waiting for the phone to ring. Good luck with that. Sure, everything works sometimes. And sure, try everything. But not as your primary strategy, and not if you’re managing your time. Prepare to be by the phone a very long time.

Why? You’re putting all the work on the employer. YOU are the product expert, because YOU are the one who knows YOU and YOUR SKILLS. Don’t simply hope and wait. That’s wishful thinking, not a plan. Besides, the employer simply needs a qualified body, and doesn’t need to sort through all those resumes online or on the desk. That’s not a good use of the employer’s time. And it doesn’t bring your skills and goals to the forefront of this interaction.

Instead, target jobs. Each resume and cover letter should be tweaked depending on where it’s going and for what specific position. Each interview should be carefully prepared especially for that job. And each follow up should solidify what happened at that interview. Be what the employer is looking for, and be ready to ensure that happens, not simply to wait for it to happen magically. It is a huge mistake to just leave yourself open to whatever, applying for anything the employer might have. Rather than improving your chances, this actually hurts them, because you will never appear qualified, let alone best qualified, the majority of time.

Getting the job you actually want is ironically easier than a “I’ll take anything” approach. First, you can focus on those specific qualifications, and that already is a better approach, because the employer can see how you would be a good fit. There’s an old adage in marketing, “The confused mind says No,” and a vague fit is an unclear picture, a No. Second, however dedicated you are to a “vague” job search, you can’t help but put far more effort into a search that simply means more to you. You want it. You’re determined to get it. You aren’t going to let a few setbacks deter you. And finally, you bring an energy, a dedication, an enthusiasm to something you love that shines through—and that is something, when it’s genuine, every employer is glad to see. That’s the kind of people they want in that job—the kind that were made for it, the kind that love it.

In marketing, businesses often endeavor to find their “niche.” You should do the same. Who are the people you love? What kind of people? What do they like to do? What are their lives like? What challenges do they face? These are the kind of people you want to work with—and people who love you, as you are, for who you are, what you think, and how you can help them with a piece of their lives, so much so that they’re happy to pay for it. When you find that fit, not only are you happy, but also the business that just hired you feels lucky to have you.

: I walk here almost every day — it’s a great place to think and reflect.

When I was managing an independent New Age book store, we had one applicant who wasn’t really knowledgeable about the store’s contents overall, though she could get by as a sales clerk, a pleasant young woman. However, in the back, the store also sold a small selection of cotton drawstring clothing. Now I, true to my gender perhaps, know nothing and care nothing about clothes. But Alya! She started spending all kinds of time back there instead of upfront. When I took a look, she had organized all the various clothes into outfits neatly pinned up at the end of each bookcase stack. “That’s nice,” I thought. But I had missed the point. Instead of selling a few clothing items here and there, Alya sold people outfit after outfit. People started coming in just for the clothing. She was just doing what she loved—and the store benefited tremendously.

If we don’t count sleeping, most people spend more time at work than at home with family. Do what you love. For yourself first—life is meant to be enjoyed. But also for your employer and for the clients you’ll serve. Everyone benefits. And that’s the way to sell your qualifications for a job.

Changing thoughts for changing work

October 16, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

In my early days of wilderness hiking, back when I was escaping into the woods rather than proactively enjoying and renewing my life, I spent a lot of time wrestling with the business world. I learned, slowly, to get comfortable, and then to get good at it, skills I would learn for a variety of enterprises later. My “Getting Unstuck” book has a few chapters dedicated to job searches and business. Here are some of the essentials.

Before we start looking at the business world—and when talking about a job, career, work, whatever your field or area, we’re talking about business—we need to change the way we look at business.

Three thought patterns to change

1) Are you jealous of successful people? Do you look at someone with more fame or money and think you’re not getting your fair share? Do you find yourself thinking, “They probably cheated, lied, stole, manipulated their way to the top”? If you do—you will never be successful.

I learned this from Jerry Hicks, who in turn learned it from a minister friend, Chet. “Well it’s true!” Jerry protested. “They lie and cheat and steal!”

“You can be against their lying and cheating and stealing,” Chet explained, “But you’re jealous of their success at lying and cheating and stealing.” There it is. Subtle, perhaps, at first blush. Is it the wrong-doing…or the success that’s the problem? Is the perception that “They all do it” just a justification, an excuse for not measuring up as—admit it, if it bothers you—do you see it?

2) Next—if you think business is all about the almighty dollar, that it’s a God forsaken wilderness, that the only thing that counts is the bottom line, that people just don’t matter to these soul-less money grubbers…get over it. The world is full of caring, committed business owners.

Suppose I run a decent size company, say 100 employees. They’ve been with me for a long time, most of them, and we’ve grown the company together. Now, these people have mortgages to pay. They’ve got kids in college. They’ve got various personal crises that arise from time to time—and they’re depending on this job to see them through all that. Do I care about the bottom line? Damn straight I care—these people are depending on me and this company! See what I mean?

One company a few hours north of my home, a modular home manufacturer, had a major fire about a decade ago. For several months, they kept their entire staff on full pay while the company rebuilt—a liability easily into the millions—even though there was nothing for them to do but sit at home. Why? Two reasons. First, they didn’t need to start over looking for people and training them. And second—what do you think happened to employee loyalty and cooperation after that?

Good businesses focus on people. I know of one owner of a small chain of convenience stores who pointed out that he could make more money by selling the business, wholly or in parts, and put the money in bank CDs and earn a higher return, just like that. So why didn’t he? “I’ve got 100+ people working for me,” he said. “What are they going to do if I did that?”

3) Finally, get rid of the word “fair,” as in “It’s not fair!” Of course it isn’t fair. And it shouldn’t be—it’s unreasonable for you to expect otherwise. Consider—do you treat those close to you the same way you treat strangers? And why not? Do you treat a lover the same as a casual acquaintance? That’s not fair! And it’s not supposed to be.

A business owner’s job is not to see that life treats you fairly, but to run the company, helping customers, employees, and suppliers in the process, and often the community as well. Whether you’re a good fit for employment depends on that business’ needs at the moment. Learn to make this shift—people aren’t treating you poorly. It’s just not the time and place for “fair.”

MacIntyre Falls on the trail to Algonquin Peak

A shift in thinking

Next, I encourage you to make a fundamental shift in thinking, whether as a job seeker, employee, free lancer, or entrepreneur—act like you’re running your own business. If you’re an employee, now or potentially, you’re in the business of supplying labor, and your employers are your clients. This shift is profound.

To begin with, “Please give me a job” is a poor strategy. Even a relatively low paying job—say, $20,000 ($10/hr. for a 40 hour work week for 50 weeks)—costs employers quite a bit more than your salary. Consider benefits, especially health benefits, which continue to climb in cost. Consider training, which means somebody else stops working to show you how to work. Consider turnover, doing that all again for another employee. There’s the employer’s share of FICA, Medicaid, and so forth. All in all, the rough estimate generally used is that you cost 50% more than your salary–$30,000 in this case. So, essentially, even for a “low” cost job, you’re asking someone to gamble $30,000 on you (considering the first year they find whether you’re worth it). That’s asking a lot. Too much.

Instead, think like a business. What are your clients’ needs? What services do you provide exactly? What’s visiting your establishment like—are clients impressed? Or are they treated like interruptions? Would they return to use your services again? If not, do you have other clients lined up? Or if they don’t want to pay what your services are worth, does the market support selling to someone else instead? Is your business growing, or are your skills and services staying flat?

This may at first seem silly, but it’s a powerful paradigm re-alignment. Many people think “I’ll work hard when they pay me more money!” But no business would say “We’ll perform well when people offer to pay more.” That’s why promotions and raises go to those working harder (or smarter) first. And that’s why, if you don’t get the raise you deserve, you can readily market your services elsewhere (or if you can’t, you need to re-examine the market and your business situation).

Many a job applicant recites the routine “I work hard, I learn fast, and I’m a people person.” In fact, I don’t think many have skipped that ritual. It’s not impressive, and it tells the prospective employer nothing.

Understand—it is not the employer’s job to discover and evaluate your qualifications, nor is it the employer’s job to sort through all the applicants to see who’s the best candidate. It’s the employer’s job to get a qualified person hired so everyone can get back to work. Period. Anything else is wasting the organization’s time and money (and remember, that company is people counting on the business doing well). It is *your* job to showcase your qualifications. And guess what? The employer will *appreciate* this. It’s what that person wants to and needs to know—and only you have that information. Share it.

This will also help you start to own who you really are. Take stock and tell people. Your greatest successes are lying just outside your comfort zone.

To be Time Rich, Learn to Be

October 15, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

We always seem short on time as well as money. This is a reflection of ourselves, not necessarily of outer “reality,” despite the difficulty in seeing that. And hence, we have more time than we realize.

In Metaphors We Live By, George Lakoff and Mark Johnson showcase the pervasiveness of considering time via the metaphor of banking:

Time is money.
You’re wasting time.
This gadget will save you hours.
I don’t have time to give you.
How do you spend your time?
That flat tire cost me an hour.
I don’t have time to spare.
You’re running out of time.
You need to budget your time.
Is that worth your while?
Do you have much time left?
He’s living on borrowed time.
Use your time profitably.
I lost time when I was sick.
Thank you for your time.

Time as money in a banking system is thus a limited resource, a valuable commodity. Thus, we account for our time, keep track of it, quantifying what is actually a nebulous dimensional aspect of space. That conceptualization, in turn, colors how we consider time and its possibilities and demands.

It’s not necessary. Not all cultures view time this way, and in fact, would have difficulty comprehending such a strange construction (and it is a construction, not a natural law). But it does effect our decisions and our work.

Anthropologists have found cultures where people work on average three hours a day, filling all their “work” needs within that time. Economists have estimated that if we took out all the activity in Western culture that is really just taking things from each other and left just the productive endeavors—we’d be working three hour days, and with all the goods we enjoy now.

Our concept of time is particularly perilous because we can’t actually bank it. Even “saving” sick days or vacation time is just rearranging available “earned” time. Time doesn’t work that way. And since we can’t store it, we can’t get rich on it.

To be time-rich, we have to live in the Now. That means truly losing the idea of scarcity, seeing endless bounty in each moment instead—not as a philosophical or spiritual ideal, but as simple reality.

This is turn sheds some light on our misunderstandings of money. Replace money with prosperity, a much more inclusive term, and hence, a much more accurate one. It’s the mental/emotional/spiritual/physical difficulties that are creating our artificial financial barriers, so including all these aspects of ourselves in prosperity is crucial.

Consider the progression of the Pentacles suit in the standard Rider-Waite tarot deck. The nine of pentacles shows a very wealthy and happy woman in her garden. But the ten of pentacles shows three generations of a family, the children playing, the dogs doting on the patriarch, and a husband and wife engaged in discussion, and the pattern of the pentacles suggesting the Kabbalah’s Tree of Life.

To see real prosperity, though, move from Pentacles to Cups, i.e., from money to love. The nine of cups shows a happy and wealthy man, but the ten of cups shows dancing children, a husband and wife embracing, looking out over their beautiful farm, a rainbow of cups framing the scene as if a spiritual halo.

Imagine making that shift. Imagine seeing prosperity as love. Love of what you do, love of whom you help, love of your place in the bigger picture—money/prosperity as reflected love…changing to this from an attitude of artificial scarcity would certainly be a tremendous step in both healing and in the feeling of a rich life—whatever you earned.

Love. It’s more important than we generally realize. Love is the key. Love is the medium. Love is the goal. Love is the Now. We have but to live it.

We see the Now as “Timelessness.” What does this mean? If we take it as an escape from the tyranny of time, then it will always be only a temporary reprieve from the perceived realities of the time track. But if we recognize that it’s not “less” time, but NO time, not an escape, but the recognition that time is a created illusion, that it doesn’t exist, “No-time-ness,” that to be in the Now is not a stepping back but a stepping in to Awareness. It is learning to Be.

To take this into our daily lives and live it presents a challenge. But the alternative is to continue to live a fantasy. Try it. Really try it. Breathe. Allow more than do. We are vibration, energy, frequency. It’s what Napoleon Hill kept talking about in “Think and Grow Rich.” Stop trying to get ahead by working harder. You can’t still the pond by slapping down the waves. Let it clear, and see. You can learn to be time rich, and you can escape the illusion–not just the race.

Be where you are, and let the mists clear. This is where you always are, and always will be. The rest is the persistent illusion of mind/ego.

Money is remarkable easy to come by, if that’s all you want.

October 14, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

Years ago, one of the primary worries I took with me to the mountains was financial—insufficient income, several bills, along with taking a risk to buy my country property back when I had nothing (I figured I could always sell for the equity if necessary, instead of always watching rent money fly away) meant money was moving around more than coming my way. But in time, I realized what at first was startling to me—money is remarkably easy to come by, if that’s all you want.

Quite a few people struggle with (well, actually, against) the reality (Yes! The reality!) that money isn’t hard to come by (yes, I’m talking legally here—and ethically). The trouble is that most people usually don’t simply want money.

Once, between projects, I took a brief stint as Executive Director of a local Theater, a non-profit organization using a historic space for community events. They were broke, and wanted to expand their programming and increase their funding. I had long held a lot of ideas for this small city community, and accepted the opportunity to grow a few of them. But first, we’d need cash—and we weren’t going to get it by doing the same things that got them broke.

I remembered from my days managing Seven Rays Book Store, a metaphysical gathering spot, that customers would frequently come in and peruse the wall of cards from psychics, astrologers, palmists, tarot readers and so forth, asking how they would ever know whom to pick. At the same time, those same card-posting practitioners would come in and lament the lack of clients. I sensed opportunity.

I sent out an invitation to the practitioners offering them spots at $50 to come read for the day. I also asked them if they’d like to give a talk, to educate participants and help give an idea of what they do. Used to far higher booth fees (and sometimes a percentage of their profits), practitioners jumped at the chance, happy they could charge whatever they wished, and keep it. I sent press releases to area media outlining the event and the talks as an entertainment option, and wrote a few guest columns to profile some of the practitioners. We charged something small ($3 or $5 dollars, something like that, I don’t remember) for admission, and once inside, people could attend the talks and walk around to visit with several practitioners and to get a reading if they wished. And we cleared—CLEARED–$3,000. That easy.

A local restaurant owner in a nearby town had always loved psychic fairs, and asked about putting on one in her establishment. I figured why not, and assembled a smaller group (for the smaller space) and made it a two day event. Word of the early event had got out, and I had new people, from an FBI psychic profiled on NBC to a tea leaf reader. I cleared over $2,000 for essentially a weekend’s work. Several of the participants cleaned up too, taking home between $800 and $1,200 each.

I did one more event, renting a ballroom in a city an hour away, and getting a smaller response this time. A local radio station did a phone interview with one of the astrologers, and a reasonable crowed assembled. I cleared $1,500 that weekend, but the novelty was wearing off, and I moved on to other projects.

: Even in the wilderness, there’s a vast expanse of opportunity, waiting. We are surrounded by riches, even if they seem out of reach.

Tim Ferriss, in The Four Hour Work Week, points out that instead of waiting to be wealthy enough to travel and live or work in other countries, recognize that many countries have such lower costs of living that it’s actually cheaper to live there than at home. Alex Baisley tells of an Irish businessman he met in the Caribbean who had realized he could spend three months vacation every year in the Caymans without it costing him any more—in fact, if he rented out his house in Ireland, he’d come out ahead in the deal. It may be possible to live the life of royalty right now, not someday. Retirees are moving to places like Costa Rico, for example, to exponentially increase the value of their savings.

I see people dropping $50/week on lottery tickets, because “Hey, you never know!” Yes you do. The odds of getting struck by lightning, one in a million, are far greater than the posted lottery odds. Do people go running scared in storms because “Hey, you never know”? Others drop $50/week or better on cigarettes. I used to on beer (the year I quit drinking, I put $5000 in my savings account).

If from age 20 to age 65 you put $200/month aside in a stock index fund averaging 8% over the long term, you would retire with $1 million and change on a $108,000 total investment—ten times your money. Why? Letting your investment compound over time. If, for example, you waiting until age 40 and invested the same $108,000 spread over the 25 years to retirement ($360/month), you’d only have $340,000 at retirement. If you waited until age 50, with only 15 years ($600/month), you’d only have $211,000. Twice your investment, vs. ten times. $150/week vs. $50/week.

This is where the excuses start. “But you could lose money!” Not likely over 45 years; definitely a higher risk over just 15 years. And there are other investments than stock market index funds—this is just one example. “But I can’t afford it!” people tell me, as they pick up their iPhones, iPods, and laptops as they head outside to smoke. “But I want to enjoy life!” Learning to set aside a little for yourself first is very easy once you’re in the habit. You won’t miss it. Just remember—every dollar you’re spending at age 20 is ten dollars at retirement; every ten dollars now is $100 dollars at retirement; every hundred dollars now is $1000 dollars at retirement. That $400 iPhone sounds different when it reduces your return by $4000.

Every so often you’ll see in the newspaper some janitor or similar not-so-great-paying profession passed away and left millions to some charity. It’s not hard to do. Being a millionaire simply takes a little discipline and a little time. In the U.S., you could even save it in a Roth IRA and pay no taxes on the returns.

So why don’t people do this?

Despite what they say and think, money is not that important to them. Short term gratification is instead. And that’s fine—just don’t mistake it as money problems.

To get beyond the perceived barriers (they aren’t actually there) about money means taking a look at ourselves. We need to first get clear about who we are, what we want, why we want it, what lifestyle we want with it, who we want to do it with, and so forth. This usually isn’t easy. In her book Creating True Prosperity, Shakti Gawain explains:

In short, people don’t pursue the money because that situation, as all our situations do, reflects the inner reality of ourselves. As long as we’re conflicted, so will our environment remain. That kind of healing takes time—hence the perceived difficulty. But that difficulty is not with money, but with personal healing.

It’s what I love so much about taking my problems to the mountains—several of them turn out to not be problems at all, and the rest are usually things I can do something about. Turns out I’m not the victim of circumstance at all—including financially, hard as that may be so see at first.

Getting Unstuck: Feeling Overwhelmed

October 13, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

(More tidbits from my forthcoming book, “Getting Unstuck.”)

(This “trail” starts at distant Elk Lake, up through Hunter’s Pass shown here–and then straight up the rock of Dix Mountain. Very overwhelming–though I had no thoughts but the task at hand for one long 15 hour round trip. And still not near the summit yet!)

Any of that sound familiar? You’re not alone. Here are three points to help.

I. The first and most important point to understand is that “overwhelmed” is not a situation. It is not just how things are. No. It’s a feeling. You are feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps for good reason–but it’s still a feeling, not an objective reality. And feelings can be changed–if you want to change them. Why “if”? Because often people like to feel overwhelmed. No, overwhelmed is not a nice feeling, but being overwhelmed often gives people a sense of importance, a work ethic, an identity. Overwhelmed is a feeling, and if you want, feelings can be changed.

II. Next come three areas commonly ignored, three areas to stop and take stock:

1) Stop trying to do everything yourself.

Ego, pride, embarrassment, and probably a few other emotions commonly stand in the way of this simple and frankly obvious point. You are not, whatever you try to tell yourself, the only one who can do what you’re trying to do. Stop going it alone. Forget the lone wolf argument–people are social creatures, and interaction with each other is how we are wired. Even people like me and you, who like our quiet alone time. Let others help you–they will be delighted.

2) Stop trying to control everything.

Instead of asking yourself “What should I do about this?” ask “Why do I have to do anything?” The Universe will continue without your aid. People will still breathe in and out. The sun will still rise and set. You are not the Boss of Everything. Let it go. Life will become so much easier, and run so much more smoothly, when you simply allow it to do so.

3) Stop taking on too much.

This ain’t rocket science. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you have too much to do, you’re taking on too many things. Stop it.

Sure, I get that there’s a lot to do, and that a lot of it is important. But it makes no sense to daily plan what can’t possibly happen and then beat yourself up for not accomplishing what had no chance of getting done from the start.

If you’re doing too many things, do fewer things. Prioritize. If that means less than you want to do, fine. But decide which to do and do it, and feel glad of a good day’s work.

Remember–overwhelmed is a feeling. You at least will stop feeling overwhelmed.

III. And finally, there’s a difference between time management and getting unstuck.

First, time management. Lots of help available here. Probably at the top of the list is Stephen Covey’s approach, laid out in his book First Things First. This, however, is far more than allocating the 168 hours of each week into the various pieces that make up your time life.

Covey turns first not to the clock, but to the compass. Where do you want to go? What are your objectives? What is important to you in this life? Those are your organizing principles. Thus, your “big rocks” get placed first, then medium rocks, then smaller rocks, then pebbles, then sand. But don’t let a sandstorm keep you from getting to the big rocks. The important things–like relationships, or your children, or someone who needs help–take precedence.

Tim Ferriss, in The Four Hour Work Week, takes ideas like this much, much further. He challenges multiple assumptions about how we construct our work and our time, noting that much of our structured time (i.e., structured for us) is wasted, and often working from home can be far more productive (acknowledging that this isn’t necessarily true for everyone). He gives the examples of sales calls to business owners–an hour of calling from 8-9 and another from 5-6 accomplished more than calling all day. Why? He didn’t have to go through the secretaries on duty 9-5; the decision makers themselves answered the phone.

Take the Pareto Principle seriously: 80% of our results come from 20% of our activities. Invest time in isolating that 20%, and cut or minimize the 80%. Ferriss points out that this need not mean expanding your 20% (though you may well want to do so)–lateral moves can also be satisfying. What if you could make the same income you do now, even doing the same thing, but in half the time? The remainder could be spent doing things you love, rather than reinvesting in work pursuits. This in turn would give you considerably more energy during the time you do spend working–for even greater results.

The key is live the life you want to live–now. Alex Baisley, of the Big Dream Program, is a genius at challenging people to construct their lives around five principles (“Juicy Realizations,” he calls them), considering them as an ecosystem, where all five are required. I’ll let Alex explain:

Don’t get overwhelmed about getting unstuck from being overwhelmed. The point is simply that you have a wealth of options. Ryan Eliason suggests making a “Not doing now” list for the good ideas that you just aren’t going to get to for a while, if ever, and focus on the things you *are* doing. Do the ones you want, pass on the ones you don’t want, and come up with a wealth of your own. But recognize that you are not stuck, that you are experiencing a feeling only, and that change–even radical change–is not only possible, but also accessible.

Honesty, Forgiveness, Healing

October 12, 2012 by kwanyinhealing

Many people have shared with me their excitement about a wilderness retreat for the joy and appreciation of nature, peace, balance. But sometimes a retreat is necessary for working through emotional pain, especially when that pain is internal.

I was asked recently about my take on honesty and forgiveness. The occasion was a betrayal one person was trying to work through, but the group conversation evolved quickly into more universal themes. I was struck by how the wonderful points shared as people spoke heavily stressed healing on many levels, and I’m passing it on!

First, let’s be real—when negative things happen, we need time to work through them. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a process, and that’s fine—even good. Take time to heal.

At the same time, though, as long as we hold on to our anger and withhold forgiveness, we are clinging to the pain. What may seem as directed at someone else is actually hurting ourselves. Again…OK for a time, as long as we recognize what’s going on. If we don’t see that, though, we can set up a chronic condition.

Forgiveness of others is also a prerequisite for something crucial for healing—forgiving ourselves. Whenever we cling to pain, it’s always for reasons of ego (no natural instinct would make us do that). What part did we play in the exchange? Or are we beating ourselves up for poor choices or perception? Outer anger covers and disguises this inner festering, even from ourselves. This again can set up a chronic condition.

Here’s where honesty enters the picture in a major way. To heal, we really have to take the focus off others and put it on ourselves. That’s the only way to watch what is truly happening, and then we can start to heal the things in ourselves that need it—not cure other people from their transgressions. Let go. Stop clinging to needless pain. Grow beyond it. Forgive, and learn what you needed to learn from this interaction, even if the lesson was painful. Recognize that this new knowledge and wisdom is a keeper—it applies to all new situations, so you truly have gained from this experience. Make it a positive application.

People make mistakes. Yes, even stupid ones they had no business making. But we’ve all done things in retrospect that weren’t the best moves. Understand people are dealing with their own issues and growth, however well or poorly, and that this is their process. Focus on your own growth and process, and bless others in their journey. Love and forgive. You don’t have to repeat poor choices, of course—but forgive, and love them for who they are. As best you can at first, even if that’s not much. The effort counts.

: Sometimes we get in our own way, blocking the rest of the gorgeous view (photo from Dix Mountain summit).

This is the key to being “right-sized.” We are each not the center of the universe, but one person among many, part of a group. When we can see our part in interactions, we can start to see our role in daily life. We are part of a group—many groups, actually. Each member has a role to play; each member is responsible for his or her own progress. But if we place ourselves above this, we have lost the reality of our place in the group, and we’ve taken on a greater role than what we truly serve. We are different, not better. An architect building a home might indeed have the creative inspiration and direction that spawned the project, but the owners’ needs shaped that vision, and the tradesmen on the job are the ones who know how to make abstract ideas work in the field. ALL these voices are necessary for a successful project. All are part of this team—none better than the others. And what a relief! You don’t have to run the universe today. Pressure’s off.

This vision, though, of knowing yourself and your growth and process, of knowing your place as one of the many on your various teams in life, your important place at that, just as the others are important, is really a lynch pin for healing and for a healthy life. It is truly who you are, in gratitude for all those around you as well. It’s a vision of harmony and well-being, one model each day, if we only see it for what it is. Forgive others. Love them. And forgive and love yourself. They, and you, are just that special. When we let go of pain, we begin to live in love—daily, constant, universal love.

At the end of the day, say thank you. Even on the crappiest day, it was not all bad. Be grateful. If you have trouble with this, make a list–yes, I get the irony of listing what you are having trouble articulating. Start with A–Apples? Alice? Anesthesia? Alaska? Animals? Anagrams? Then B. Then C, D, E, F, etc. But end the day grateful and thankful, even if you need to work a bit to get there. Your mind will start to quiet, your nerves will slowly unwind, your muscles will begin to relax (didn’t know you were that tense until you started relaxing), and you will sleep better–and be better prepared for the following day.

In time, day by day, you’ll find yourself progressing. Then do the same for the beginning of your day—wake up grateful and glad to start the day. It will happen.

Emotions are reflections of the quality of our thoughts. That’s a hard thing to see at first, and it takes changing our perceptions and assumptions. But as such, they are meters indicating where we are on our journey. Appreciate and heed them, but know the way out is not external, but the quality of internal thoughts. With better feelings will then come better conditions, not vice versa.

That’s among the reasons I advocate wilderness experiences. That clear, calm space, without agenda, allows our projections to start to drop away, leaving the heart of the matter for us to address effectively. It’s to get to the heart.

By the way, feel free to visit the “Healing for Healers” discussion forum and posting questions. All are welcome.
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